THE IDC RECRUITMENT
EXAM

What is your name?
What is your E-mail address?
Where are you located?
Are you an Eggplant? Yes No
Are you currently employed by or volunteer for another intelligence other than our own? Yes No
Are you willing to do whatever we tell you to do? Yes No
Are you aware that our mental stability is questionable? Yes No I am now...
Are you aware that you may be "corrected" just for taking this test in a sane state of mind? Yes No
Are you aware that you will be "corrected" if you don't pass this test successfully? Yes No
Do you regularly consume non-edible substances? Yes No
Are you able to bash your head against solid things repeatedly without feeling the sensation of pain? Yes No
Can you count to 10? Yes No
Without using your fingers? Yes No
Or a calculator? Yes No
Or a slide rule or abacus? Yes No
If, in your next life, you could choose between being pudding or linoleum which would you be? Pudding Linoleum
Are you under the impression that western civilization is going to collapse shortly? Yes No
Do you seriously believe that our government has anything worth hiding from us? Yes No
Do you seriously believe that our government could hide anything from us if they wanted to? Yes No
Are you a member of the Cult of the Young Life? Yes No
Are you a sick puppy? Yes No
Do you like sick puppies? Yes No
Are you able to work along side sick puppies? Yes No
Are you in sick puppy denial? Yes No No, I'm not a sick puppy! I SWEAR!
Do you lie to your mother? Yes No
A lot? Yes No
Are you good at it? Yes No
Do you believe that the Walt Disney Corporation monopolizes the world (in a bad way), is a sinister enemy to everyone, and needs to be destroyed? Yes No
Is your name Ross Perot? Yes No
You suffer from (check all that apply):
Pyromania?
Schizophrenia?
Manic depression?
Telepathy?
?aixelsyD
Tourette's syndrome?
Psychopathic outbursts?
Alcoholism?
Delusions?
Hallucinations?
Paranoia?
Idealism?
Did you just check yes to a bunch of the last 12 questions because your a soggy excuse for a human being and you wish you suffered from them? Yes No
Are you affiliated with Jehovah's Witnesses? Yes No
Do you have some weird and freakish deformity that allows you to touch your shoulders together in front of you or do something similar? Yes No
Are you a spy? (We'll know, ya know. Don't try and mess with us man, we'll have you shot!) Yes No
Are you frequently complimented on your outstanding weirdness? Yes No
Do you converse with extraterrestrials? Yes No
Are you immortal? Yes No I am until I die
Are you a vampire? Yes No Only at night
Do you need to read the instruction manual before firing a spud gun? Yes No
Do you eat potatoes? Yes No
Do you trust our government? Yes No Why?! Are they gonna see this??!
Would you trust our government with Mr. Potatohead as president? Yes No
Do you know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried? Yes No
If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
How do you feel about the National Anthem?
How do you feel about your mother?
How do you feel about your father?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why do we call them driveways if we park on them?
Why do we call it a parkway if we drive on it?
Why are they called a hot water heaters if they heat cold water?
What good would a solar flashlight do?
Why do we call them apartments if they're all stuck together?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How much heeb would a Hebrew brew if a Hebrew could brew heeb?
What good would an electric-electric generator do?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Do you know the muffin man? Yes No The muffin man???
If so, where does he live?
Do you have suicidal tendencies? Yes No Were's the razor, man!
Do you wish you had suicidal tendencies? Yes No
Do you want us to give you suicidal tendencies? Yes No